By: Nikki McManus

  Ralph Nader became a household name because of it. Books have been written about it. And a flourishing advocacy movement exists because of it. It? Consumer complaints.
  Consumers these days are far more vocal - more antsy - when things go wrong, can't be fixed, or just don't meet acceptable standards.
 

One of the first rules of the complaint game is screech for the top

  Poor service in restaurants and stores is an everyday reality. So's being jerked around by big institutions like banks and insurance companies. Taking on governments comes with a built-in set of red tape and the feeling you're boxing with shadows.
  Regardless of who, or what, has raised our hackles, we feel helpless and angry. And the angrier we get, the less effective complaints become. Lesson number one - stay cool, calm, and collected.
  Another tip is to be very clear in your mind what you're complaining about. Not so elementary, my dear Watson.
  Got a gripe about quality of service, product, or both?
  Price or value?
  Misleading advertising?
  Questionable marketing like bait and switch?
  Promises or contracts made but not delivered on or adhered to?

  Once you've clarified the nature of your complaint in your own mind (and your temper's a mild simmer not a full rolling boil) here's some ideas about how to be an effective whiner, the resources available, and results you can get…

Screech for the top:
  One of the first rules of the complaint game is screech for the top. Don't waste your sweetly venomous tones on a local bank manager for example. Write the President and CEO. Copy someone in who has a vested interest in keeping the company's name healthy and unsullied - like the Senior Vice President, Marketing, or the SVP, Public Affairs.
  It's quite easy to get their names. Just phone the company's general number and ask for the name, correct title and mailing address. Then you're off - at least your pen is.
 

There's nothing like a good complaint letter to let the steam out of your ears and put your murderous thoughts onto pristine paper

A good kvetch letter:
  There's nothing like a good complaint letter to let the steam out of your ears and put your murderous thoughts onto pristine paper. This minor step, which may take a few minutes of time, has many benefits -- the steam lets up, your blood pressure lowers, and your pet whatever doesn't get swung around your head and bounced off the closest wall.
  Far more effective than an irate voice over the phone, a hastily sent note over the Internet, or a scribbled fax, a letter shows that you're serious about your complaint. So serious that you've sat down and carefully composed and transcribed your thoughts about the source of your irritation. You've also spelled out, in no uncertain terms, what you expect the company to do, and within what time frame.

And how to write it:
  Keep your letter succinct and to the point - this is no time for a written diatribe. Type (no handwritten missives, please) on good white bond. Enclose photocopies of any records or invoices that strengthen your case. And if you can, inject either some praise, or a sense of humour, into your correspondence.
  For example, some years ago I wrote a major appliance manufacturer, with an enviable reputation and advertising budget to protect, about a dishwasher that had been nothing but trouble for four years (see sidebar). Whining and complaining to the company's consumer hotline had got me nowhere. Finally, I followed the above advice. Within a week the company delivered and installed a brand-new, top-of-the-line dishwasher. 'Nuff said.

Biting the hand that feeds (or serves) you - restaurants and stores:
  When it comes to dining out, us Canadians are generally a quiet lot. We put up with wine that's a tad off, cold food, lousy service and often, in the case of women dining alone, being stuck at a table within a hair's breadth of a swinging kitchen door. Instead of the tasty aroma of a delicious meal, we're treated to steam from the kitchen and a bevy of waiters hurling themselves past the table like so many whirling dervishes. Do we have to put up with it? Not on your Nelly!
  Solution? Call for the manager at best - the Maitre 'D (if there is one) - at worst. In even, well-modulated tones, express your beef, as it were. If your cold meal is returned after being quickly scorched in the microwave - return it again. If your complaints don't get you what you feel you're paying for, do some hard negotiating or flat out refuse to pay the bill. That may help get some results.
  By the same token, you don't have to put up with poor service when shopping for that something exquisite you need. Competition, and the battle for the consumer dollar, has made retailers acutely aware that if a customer doesn't get satisfaction there are a myriad of places to lodge a complaint - including head office.
  Use the same tactic as for restaurants - ask for the manager - and clearly and succinctly relate the source of your dissatisfaction.
  A friend of mine, a savvy shopper if ever I saw one, also has a tip on how to get better service from some of the trendier, and more costly, retailers. Searching for someone to help him select some high-cost crystal, nary was a warm body to be found. His solution?
  "I picked up the nearest Waterford crystal glass and started pinging the edge," he relates. "It's amazing how swiftly sales assistants appeared out of the woodwork."
  Getting service can be done - sometimes it just takes a little imagination….

City Hall and Government:
  Working your way through the maze of government bureaucracy can be daunting - especially if you want some action that has a bearing on government expense.
  The blue section in your telephone directory lists government offices and ministries at all levels - federal, provincial, and municipal. That's a good place to start.
  If you, as the Rolling Stones wrote, "can't get no satisfaction" - write, or phone, your city councilor or the Minister of the ministry you need to deal with. Letters to provincial ministers generally go through an internal correspondence unit - so you know your complaint will be seen and, ultimately, responded to.

Calling in the big guns:
  Sometimes all avenues for complaint become exhausted and you have no option than to consult a lawyer, or lodge an official complaint with an advocacy group like the National Citizens' Coalition. There are occasions when you may have to resort to Small Claims Court to settle a dispute -whether it's with a contractor, retailer, or another individual.
  When I was having a knock 'em down, drag 'em out fight with an insurance company over a property damage settlement, I finally went to a neighbor who happens to be a partner in one of Canada's top law firms, for advice. After careful review of our gilt-edge coverage policy he quietly said "I think a letter from a lawyer will get this swiftly settled."
  His polite, but terse letter pointing out the terms of the contract, instantly reaped results and the claim was settled with no further argument.

Sources of information:
  It pays to research; a quick visit to your local library will reveal available books to help you in your efforts. Two are particularly valuable - both of which deal with complaining - Canadian style.
  Don't get Mad ... Write by Bruce West (Stoddart Publishing Co.) takes a humorous but effective look at everything you want to know about getting action from banks, insurance companies, airlines, retailers, repair people, renovators and much more. And if you hate writing letters - this is the book to consult.
  Author West includes hundreds of samples of complaint letters you can follow or adapt for your needs.
  Another recently published paperback, Complain, complain, complain - the Canadian Consumer's Guide to getting action by Karen Molson (Firefly Books), is another valuable resource.
  Complain, complain, complain lists some real-life case studies as well as the names, addresses and phone numbers of where to complain to.
  Between these two, you've got some really sound ammunition and a plethora of how-to information.

  So there you have it. You may never become another Ralph Nader, but as long as you can vent your spleen and get redress, who cares? It's the soul-satisfying results of winning that counts!

Nikki McManus has been a journalist and sometime investigative reporter for more years than she cares to remember, and has written on topics that run the gamut from money laundering to how to hold a garage sale.