By: Pat Daley

  Some enterprising politicians will stop at nothing when it comes to thinking up new ways to make a buck for the general revenue fund.
  Remember the megacity amalgamation, when six separate municipalities were turned into one big City of Toronto? A bit of housekeeping still has to be done: renaming streets. It was okay for streets to have the same names when they were in different cities, but emergency services like fire and ambulance have a problem now finding the right address.
  (We just went through the same thing out here in the hills when we finally got 911 service.)
  One councillor has had a brainwave: name the streets for the highest bidders. No more waiting until you've died, like downed police officer Todd Bayliss, or until enough people have adopted your cause, like apartheid fighter Nelson Mandela. Both have Toronto streets named for them.
  Nope, if it's good enough for art galleries, music halls, and cardiac centres, it's good enough for the streets of Toronto. Don't wait to be honoured by the community. Buy your own monument now.
  Of course, naming streets after captains of industry and other up-and-comers is nothing new for Toronto. One could say that in a less direct way Upper Canada's ruling Family Compact bought the streets of their day.
  So, let's get down to the nitty-gritty. Is the sale going to be by auction? Are there reserved bids? Can we bid over the internet? Will some names be censored? Will big streets cost more than small residential ones?
  Straight Goods wants in on the action. Talk about great publicity - how about Straight Goods Avenue or Straight Goods Road? Imagine... Children playing street hockey and hide-and-go-seek on Straight Goods Crescent. The sun is shining, kids can play safely on this residential paradise without fear of being hit by a car. Whoa!!! No traffic? Where's the benefit of that for us?
  Nope, no tiny cul-de-sacs in the former Scarborough or North York for Straight Goods. We want a major thoroughfare, preferably one with a subway stop and a Starbucks on every block. But then, that would probably turn out to be Starbucks Blvd.

Pat Daley is a freelance writer and editor in Athlone in Simcoe County, Ontario.