New Christmas rituals that embrace human values

Turned off by gluttony, greed, and consumption, Canadians are inventing new ways to share the real spirit of the season

By: Carolyn Pogue

  Dashing through the snow with jangling nerves instead of jingling bells has become a Canadian Christmas ritual. Stress levels rise along with the steam from cups of mulled wine. Little statues of Jesus, Mary, Joseph, shepherds, kings, lambs and oxen get to preside over an annual ritual that leaves many feeling inadequate, broke and lonelier than any other time of year.
  All peoples use rituals to replenish the spirit, renew hope, and connect us with our communities. The rituals around Christmas once did that; still do that for some. But for too many, the rituals have become empty. We've allowed manufacturers and the media to dictate our celebrations. Rather than renewing, the celebrations leave many feeling guilty, exploited, exhausted and depressed, not to mention in debt. Suicide rates rise in January.
 

Christmas may not be a jolly holiday but rather a painful reminder of sad events and personal disasters

  We've managed to move from a religious celebration for Christians to a society-wide orgy of gluttony. Turning this Santa Claus parade around takes effort and imagination. But there is hope.
  In many churches throughout Canada, for example, there is a recognition that Christmas can be particularly difficult. They offer a different kind of Christmas service during Advent (the three weeks before Christmas), often called a "Blue Christmas" or a "Hard to be Merry" service. Designed to be inclusive of people from various church affiliations or no church affiliation, they recognize that Christmas may not be a "jolly holiday," but rather a painful reminder of unemployment, illness, recent divorce or death. Services are generally quieter, candle-lit and gentle.
 

There are small movements of people who want to reclaim Christmas

  Personal disasters, like divorce, offer an opportunity to look again at our attitude toward celebrations. After a marital breakdown, "Graham" saw an opportunity for re-creation. "I spent a lot of time in the fall thinking about Christmas," he said. "It's an important time for me, and I was going to be alone. I sat back and said, 'What are the traditions? What is it about Christmas I like, that is important? How can I re-create my own traditions?' I decided that a party was important. Since I didn't have any decorations, I made it a tree-decorating party. We strung popcorn and cranberries, I made eggnog with an old family recipe and put on a big spread. It was the first time I'd invited people into my new home. It was also a declaration that this was my place."
  There are small movements of people who want to reclaim Christmas and feel renewed, rather than exhausted and manipulated. They want celebrations and gifts to promote life, peace and justice.
  Canadian university students are teaching society about hidden costs with their campaign (Ethical Training Action Group, or ETAG) against sweatshop labour. Purchasing labels such as Liz Claibourne can mean people in San Salvador labour at below living wages, twelve hours a day with two, timed bathroom breaks. There are other costs as well, such as to the environment at home (how much packing goes straight into landfill?), and wherever in the world the item was produced. Even our cheap bread and turkey for Christmas feasts means Canadian farmers have to tighten their belts.
  Values are inherent in gifts we give. Children given war toys or overpriced "fashion dolls" receive our values as well. It's difficult to make changes, particularly for young parents; that is why family members and friends are invaluable to help break from the general frenzy.
  Gift-giving can express love and celebrate relationships, but can also bribe, manipulate, pressure, alleviate guilt. Gift-giving can become absurd. An unwritten message is screamed at us that says big is good, expensive is better. It says "Show your love: Buy." Handmade bird feeders, plants, family stories, paintings, books, coupons for backrubs and babysitting, donations to NAPO (National Anti-poverty Organization), the TransCanada Trail, the Schizophrenia Society, woman's shelters, youth programs, UNICEF, religious institutions in honour of a loved one speak of other values.
  For twenty-five years now, an American nonprofit group called "Alternatives for Simple Living," has said "No". In their book, Treasury of Celebrations, Evelyn Howie tells about her family's "conversion".
  "A surprise package with an unlikely postmark arrived in our mailbox last December. Since I was rushing out to select the perfect gift for friends, I opened it hurriedly, anxious to get on with the shopping.
  "The package contained hand-knit ponchos and handmade wooden pipes. Yola, who had sent them, is our friend who washed, ironed and made our lives easier while we were in Bolivia. Her daily salary was 80 cents, more money than she'd ever made. When I realized what she'd done, I burst into tears. There in my quiet kitchen, I was completely overwhelmed with the love and effort these gifts represented. How could we - with a kitchen full of food, a more than comfortable home, children with more than enough clothes and things - continue to spend time, energy, and money for meaningless gifts for which I was shopping in the name of Christmas?"
  Unable to locate Yola, this family donated their Christmas gift money to a volunteer agency in Bolivia.
  Every December, Terry Wolfwood a Victoria, BC activist, sends a letter announcing how she spent her "Christmas card money." The Pakistani women's goat project is one example. Sixty dollars buys a goat. The giver receives a photo of the woman with the goat and the opportunity to name it. The cost of sending cards, or buying wrap, bows and tinsel, means dignity, work, food, a measure of independence and the thoughtful touch of a stranger.
  In a world where child poverty, illiteracy, violence, corporate greed, racism and pollution stalk us, we need Christmas, but a different kind.

Suggested Resources:
Further information on Ethical Trading Action Group (ETAG) 606 Shaw Street Toronto, Ontario M6G 3L6. Phone: 416-532-8584 Email: perg@web.net

To find out about a "Blue" or "Hard to be Merry" Christmas service, check church listings in your local newspaper or simply phone a church near you and ask. (There's no national directory, and various churches do it on request or if there is a small group who will organize it.)

The Compassionate Friends, an organization for siblings and parents who have lost a child, hold services like this, too. The Compassionate Friends National Office: 685 Williams Avenue, Winnipeg, Manitoba M3E OZ2

Unplug the Christmas Machine, by Joe Robinson and Jean Coppock, Staeheli New York: Quill-William Morrow, 1982

Part-time Parent: Learning to Live without Full-time Custody, by Carolyn Pogue, Kelowna: Northstone Publishing, 1998

Treasury of Celebrations: Create Celebrations that Reflect Your Values and Don't Cost the Earth, Edited by Carolyn Pogue, Kelowna: Northstone Publishing, 1998

Alternatives for Simple Living 1-800-821-6153

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