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Hold on to your heart and wallet when you surf to an Internet dating service

By: Roy LaPorte

  Lookin' for love? In all the wrong places? Think the Internet offers a solution for the lovelorn, but worried you'll get the shaft? Well, a lot of companies are betting you'll sign up and put your heart on the line, so to speak, and they will do almost anything to land your business. But still you wonder: is this newfangled way of meeting people really worth my while?
  The answer is a resounding - maybe. The pros include: meeting people in the comfort, convenience and safety of your own home on your own time; no loud, smoky, expensive clubs to navigate; the ability to search for and find like-minded people relatively quickly; and a huge selection of potential partners (some sites boast over one million participants). The cons? Having to pay up-front for the best features of a service; not knowing if the person on the other end is really who they say they are (not really any different from in-person dating when you think of it); having to play e-mail tag and making a case for someone to give you their attention; becoming involved with someone halfway around the world.
 

While most Internet dating sites offer free trials, you won't get far without paying for services only available to members

  And when you consider the costs of matchmaking services, becoming a "surfin' single" doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Recently, a major Canadian daily paper tried out a Toronto matchmaker and came away with serious doubts as to its worth. After shelling out $500 up-front for four dates (with men personally chosen for her) the reporter complained three of the men were complete duds and did not fit the type of man she had asked to meet. Is that a rip-off?
  Now, unless you purchase memberships at, say, five sites, you will probably not spend $500 so quickly online. While most Internet dating sites offer free trials, you won't get far without paying for services only available to members. These include viewing photos, answering an ad, using matchmaking programs and participating in online chatting or instant messaging with other members.
  The smart approach is to limit yourself to one particular site and try it out until you either decide it's worth your hard-earned money or not. Use Internet rating sites such as Lycos Top 5% (www.lycos.com), or award sites such as The International Web Page Awards (www.webpageawards.com), The Webby Awards (www.webbyawards.com) or others to see how the various services stack up. If a site has won an award - any award - you can be sure they'll splash a big, flashy graphic proclaiming it on their home page. Just beware of dubious or "home made" awards. Do your homework and check its credentials. Reputable awards should have their own site to visit. For a good listing of dating sites, go to www.singlesites.com.
  Before you choose, consider that any service worth its salt will offer some kind of free trial. It's silly not to take advantage of them as well, as they're either new, need members desperately or are big and profitable enough that they can afford to let people sample. It's up to you to choose your own comfort level in this regard. Several sites offer unlimited trials, and though you may not have access to some members-only features, you're never kicked off and they don't ask for a credit card number.
 

Limit yourself to one service at a time and use a process of elimination to find one that works for you

  If and when you do decide to part with your money, you'll likely have several options (no surprise there!). If you're wary of divulging your credit card number, you can often call a 1-900 number and make a purchase that way. Or, if you refuse to send your card number online, you can probably print out and fax in a form. Be smart and read all the fine print. Be wary, though, as some sites have a so-called "negative option" policy, meaning that your membership is automatically renewed at the end of the pay period unless you explicitly tell them you want out.
  Purchase the bare minimum membership at first, even if you're offered steep volume discounts. If you like the site, you can always buy more time, but if you're unhappy, retrieving your money may turn into a headache. Using a credit card may offer further protection as well. You can join many sites for under US$10, so the risk is minimal. As mentioned above, limit yourself to one service at a time and use a process of elimination to find one that works for you.
  An email I received from a man named Leslie about one particular Web site offers a cautionary tale: Leslie wrote: "I have written to about 10 people with no response. My listing is not posted and I have complained to [the site Webmaster] over and over with no response other than double talk. It seems I paid for a 'Gold' membership to get dirt service." Leslie's experience illustrates the importance of doing research and being a careful shopper before you buy. Although this is not the norm, don't leave the possibility of it happening to you up to chance. Do your homework and read the fine print!

Roy LaPorte is a Toronto-based freelance writer and online advice columnist. He did not meet his girlfriend through the Internet.

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